England Already Selects Player that will Miss Penalty that Sends Them Home
News emanating from England’s training-camp in Saint Petersburg appears to confirm the rumour that team-manager, Gareth Southgate, has already asked his players which of them would like the time-honoured privilege of scuffing the penalty that will see England ignominiously crash out of the World Cup
National Embarrassment Wants His Own Fucking Aeroplane
National embarrassment and utter buffoon, Boris Johnson, announced today that he wants a great big fucking luxury aeroplane to take him to other countries, to beg for some trade deal after the apocalyptic Brexit.
Gammon Has Had a Devastating Impact on the Board Game Industry
Leading manufacturers of one of the world’s oldest board games have today announced that they are expecting huge losses over the coming financial year as retailers’ slash orders for Backgammon sets – against the fuchsia backdrop of controversy over the very nature of gammon.
More Recent News
Did you know that Sajid Javid Was the Son of a bus driver?
What can the Conservative Party offer a working-class kid from Rochdale? Ordinarily, fuck-all. However, if that working-class kid from Rochdale had been a managing director at Deutsche bank, a millionaire, an MP for eight years, a cabinet minister for four years, and the son of a bus driver, then its the position of Home Secretary!
Corbyn Ignores Royal Birth to Appease a Dragon
Jeremy Corbyn has sparked outrage across social media by taking 185 minutes to tweet a brief statement congratulating the Duke and Duchess of Windsor on the birth of their son. The reason for his unforgivable oversight is astonishing, yet predictable.
Some Children Exempt from Two Child Benefit Limit.
Despite a ruling yesterday, stating that the "Two Child Benefit Limit" is lawful, the Druid's Loom can reveal today that some couples are exempt and will still receive state handouts.
Vince Cable to Relaunch Himself with a New Name
The perennially anonymous leader of the Liberal Democrats, Sir Vince Cable, has hired a crack-team of personal branding experts to add a much-needed boost his non-existent public profile.
Wetherspoons Social Media Blackout Won’t Improve Food
Wetherspoons today announced that they would be closing down all their social media accounts, as no amount of photographic manipulation can make their food appear edible.
