“£14m A Year? – I can live with that” – Says BP Boss

BP Boss, Bob Dudley, said today, that he can live with his £14 million pay packet quite happily. He also explained that he wont be losing any sleep over the non-binding shareholder vote against it.

"£14 Million - Because I'm Definitely Worth it - lol" - Bob Dudley
“£14 Million – Because I’m Definitely Worth it – lol” – Bob Dudley
Image Courtesy of Lewis Clark Under the CC BY-SA 2.0 License

60% of shareholders voted against Mr Dudley’s mental pay package that he is going to get anyway. Mr Dudley was parachuted into the helm of BP last year to oversee a range of issues, which he failed miserably at. The result was £3.6 billion in losses and thousands of workers losing their jobs.

Company Policy
The chairman of BP today announced there will be a full overview of the company policy with regard to executive pay, due to the strength of feeling amongst share holders.

Shit Loads of Money
When pressed on the current details of policy the Chairman told the Druid’s Loom, “It’s basically to throw shit loads of money at them – that’s it – nothing more. No one seemed to do a performance review or anything – money was gathered up, and stuffed into his fat, bloated bank account.

Saving Lives
Newly qualified nurse, Terri Warmutton told the Druid’s Loom, “Last week, I saved 5 lives, washed, bathed and generally cared for 35 people on my ward and sat with an old lady whilst she passed away, even thought my shift ended 3 hours before. I have been shat and pissed on and haven’t seen my husband in nearly 3 weeks.

Complete Wanker
I passed all my performance review targets, was was told I couldn’t get a pay increase because my salary has been frozen by George Fucking Osborne. Bob Dudley has presided over the biggest cooperate losses in BP’s history and he gets a 20% pay rise. What a complete wanker,” she added through her tears.

The Druid’s Loom managed to secure an exclusive interview with Mr Dudley which is transcribed below:

The Druid: Do you think you that you truly deserve to earn £14 million a year?
Mr Dudley: It’s all money, money money with you people isn’t it? I believe I am worth more than that. This conversation is vulgar.

The Druid: Over 1000 workers lost their jobs at BP last year, your £14 million could have paid them £14,000 a year each.
Mr Dudley: I believe that as I am used to this large sum of money, I have a bigger right to retain it. Poor people don’t understand the responsibility of wealth.

The Druid: What have you got to say about £3.6 billion loss BP made last year.
Mr Dudley: Nothing. I didn’t make a loss – just a cool £14 million – lol 

The Druid: As the shareholders have voted against your pay increase, will you be refusing to accept it.
Mr Dudley: No.

The Druid: Will you be………
Mr Dudley: No further questions please. SECURITY!


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