A Pong Near My Dong

A gentleman who is ready to get intimate with a new lady friend, seeks help with telling her about his smelly spuds. Auntie Druid to the rescue.

“His undies are coming off…good job I brought a gas mask” wurstlhubi / Pixabay

Dear Auntie Druid,

I’ve met this girl and I really like her, she’s beautiful, smart, funny…everything I’m not (they do say opposites attract). I’m so happy because for the first time ever, im seeing a girl without having to stand Behind a wheelie bin in her back garden at 2am, looking into her window.
She tells me she wants our budding relationship to move to the next step, I’m no expert but I think this means she wants her turkey stuffing… that’s where I need your help.

I’ve had sex once before and many times alone, so I know what goes where and how to do it, but I have this little problem that may cock up my chances when the moment arrives…Auntie Druid, how do I break the news to her that I’ve got smelly balls?

Thanks in advance,
Ho Dong Pong

Mr Pong,

You haven’t mentioned if the smelly balls is due to a medical condition, or if you’re just a downright dirty bastard who doesn’t wash his potatoes. Nonetheless, dont tell her, she’ll run away faster than Hussain Bolt. If you are going to be getting intimate with this lady you definitely need to get rid of this problem.
Wash your bits thoroughly with a wire scouring pad and some Cilit Bang, if you’re still kicking out a stink after this, repeat the process. If for any reason this doesn’t resolve your problem I’d suggest you use some Shake’n Vac to put the freshness back.

P.s, you could always buy her a gas mask and a pair of marigolds.

Kind regards,
Auntie Druid.


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