British Holiday makers are literally flocking to this year’s ‘must go’ summer holiday destination – the A20 near Dover.
“Quite a few people told me that it was ironic that I was planning a holiday in Dordogne region of France when I voted to leave the EU,“explained John Bullshit, from Salisbury. “In many ways they were right, it would be rather hypocritical of me. So instead I have decided to spend my summer in a good old British traffic jam.“
“It’s actually very interesting. We spent yesterday afternoon parked outside an abattoir watching sheep go in and meat come out. Today we are next to a foul-smelling chemical refinery plant. I have been told that in about 6 miles we will be able to see a white horse carved into the chalk cliff,” he added excitedly.
Families have spent the nights sleeping in their cars and the days, getting out of their cars trying to find somewhere dignified to go to the toilet.
“We are very lucky,” Sandy Pants, a mother from Sandford, told The Druid’s Loom. “We happen to be along side a large articulated lorry. So we can easily nip out of the car and round the back of it for a cheeky piss. Others haven’t been so lucky. I watched an old lady, squatting on the hard shoulder yesterday. I am getting a bit anxious though, I have had a turtle’s head for the last two hours and I am in danger of ‘touching cloth’.“
“I might have to approach that peculiar couple with the fancy motor home that’s four vehicles in front. Hopefully they will let me have a dump in their chemical toilet,” she explained through gritted teeth.
The traffic chaos mini break on the A20 has proved so popular that other tiresome holiday routes have also decided to follow suit. The M6 through Walsall, and the M4, through Port Talbot, have both ground to a halt to capitalise on this brand new holiday experience.
Mr Bullshit has enjoyed this year so much he is considering another motorway break next summer.
“I’m thinking of spending two weeks with the family, queuing for the Dartford crossing on the M25,” he told us.
Songs of Praise
Meanwhile Calais Jungle refugee, Abdul Plindu, who is ironically queuing on the other side of the channel, offered this advice to travellers parked up on the A-Road, “All I can say is, don’t stay in one place for too long. If you do you run the risk of the ‘Songs of Praise’, coming along to sing at you.“