Airlines to Start Using Non-Pilots as Captains

After the Department For Education announced the appointment of non-teacher, Amanda Spielman as the new Ofsted Chief Inspector, other industries are beginning to follow suit.

Modern Planes are a Piece of Piss to Fly Anyway
Modern Planes are a Piece of Piss to Fly Anyway
skeeze / Pixabay

A number of major airlines today defended their plan to use non-pilots to captain their aircraft.

Technical Stuff
I think using someone who has had no experience of flying a plane, to be in charge of that plane is really important,” CEO of SchißerAir, Malcolm Gutwaddle told the Druid’s Loom.

They will be able to make non-bias decisions without getting bogged down with all that technical stuff and the physics of flight. The first officer can handle all that,” he continued.

Executive Flight Officer
The Captain, or ‘Executive Flight Officer (EFO)’, as they will be known, will be in charge of ensuring that the flight is as efficient and as cost effective as possible.

It seems that airlines are following in the footsteps of the Department for Education, who have recently employed business woman, Amanda Spielman. as the Chief Inspector for Ofsted. Mrs Spielman has no experience in the class room or leading a school.

Pain in the Arse
Morag McMoron, a spokeswoman for the Department of Education told the Druid’s Loom, “I think that it is a really good idea to use people with no idea of an industry to be in charge of it. We are pleased that SchißerAir are following our lead on this.

Teachers are a right pain in the arse,” Mrs McMoron continued. “They go on about ‘doing their best for the students’, and whine all the bloody time. By employing a hard-nosed business woman and by giving her a big enough financial incentive we can make her to exactly what we want to  fuck them over!”

Piece of Piss
SchißerAir’s first EFO, Simon Dullballs, told the Druid’s Loom, “I am really looking forward to this new challenge. As I understand it modern planes are a piece of piss to fly, it’s all auto pilot and fly by wire. I think the first officer was a bit surprised when I suggested using two engines instead of four on the A380 to save some fuel and wear and tear. He panicked a bit, and mentioned something about losing lift and stalling. A stall isn’t that bad though is it? I’ve done it in my car a few times!

Anyway, he refused to action my request, so I have had him sacked!” he added.


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