In her speech at the Tory Party conference, yesterday, Home Secretary Amber Rudd outlined her plans to crack down on foreign workers and students in the UK.
Her plan, or ‘final solution’ as it is known in the Home Office includes forcing companies to publicly list all foreign workers that they employ.
“The Conservative Party is committed to increasing racial tension across the UK,” explained Home Office spokesman Wayne Twattwump. “By listing all people with funny accents who have stolen our jobs – and by chucking around phrases such as ‘British Jobs for British People’ – we can ensure that the Polish family at the end of the road will have dog shit posted through their letter box for the next decade.“
As the Conservative Party lurches even more to the right, in a bid to attract voters from UKIP, the rhetoric from the Home Secretary could easily be mistaken as something from Nazi Germany.
“Listing foreign workers will make them stand out in society and make them easy targets for racial abuse,” Mr Twattwump continued gleefully. “Hopefully that will make them want to go home, avoiding costly deportation fees,” he added.
“If that doesn’t work, we are going to force them to wear a prominent, brightly coloured symbol on their clothing. A yellow badge of some sort, with their nationality printed across the middle” he continued, dribbling with anticipation.
If foreign people still want to work in the UK after all this, the Home Office plans to assist them by introducing special zones, where they can work in isolation.
“These zones will include free living arrangements for the workers to allow them to focus on the job at hand.” Mr Twattwump told us. “These ‘Concentration Zones’ will be run very efficiently, and the workers will be ‘encouraged’ to work as hard as possible. We even have a really good plan to keep the heating bills down,” he concluded in a very sinister fashion.