Dear Druid, On a visit to “Pound Land” recently; I was horrified to discover a packet of “cheesy balls”, that contained the tag line, “Fluffy Little Cheesy Balls of Joy”. The images of popping these fluffy cheesy balls in my mouth and some how providing another man with joy, disgusted me so much that I vomited all […]
Dear Druid, I spotted this sign when I was doing my school run, and I followed the instructions carefully. I parked up; avoiding all obvious hazards. However, I must have been in the wrong place, because after running around the school playground for 20 minutes in my lycra suit, the headteacher called the Police. I was escorted […]
Lottery scam idiot, Hollee-Jo Binte, actually expected lotto officials to hand over £33 million, without really checking the ticket, after claiming it had been accidentally put through the wash it emerged today.
Hollee-Jo Binte, a 46 year old grandmother, from Banbury reacted with shock yesterday, when she was refused her share of the recent £66 million lottery jackpot. “I really didn’t expect them to check the ticket that carefully”, she told the Druids Loom in a grating mock cockney accent. Pausing only briefly to take a few […]
Teachers across the country want to punch education secretary, Nikki Morgan, in the face. But is she more punch-able than Michael Gove? The Druid's Loom investigates.
There was no doubt that Michael Gove had a very punch-able face. With his, big rubbery lips, smarmy smile and bizarre facial gurning. However teachers have recently found their fists drawn to the face of Education Secretary incumbant, Nikki Morgan. Whilst not naturally punch-able; over time; her smug, self-satisfied smile and continuous degradation of the […]
After a month lying on the kitchen work surface, untidily wrapped in tin foil, the final piece of last Christmas cake 2015 has been consumed in a moment of desperation.
For nearly four weeks, the final piece overly rich fruitcake, wrapped in a tough layer of royal icing, had been lying forgotten on a kitchen work surface. However in a moment of desperation, it was eaten yesterday by Jayden Driscoll, at his £280,000 Wiltshire home. Hard nuts and gritty raisins Jayden explained this morning, “I […]