A Glasgow based film critic has been arrested for wounding 46 cinema goers with a child's catapult.
One onlooker who survived the attack commented – “It all started with her open disapproval of the opening credit names in the introduction of the movie. She started yelling ” where the hell are the iconic Hollywood names? – I think she expected a star-studded cast – HILDA SPLAT SID PIPES TED SPLODGE CHARLIE SMAT The audience started giggling and […]
Police were shocked to discover a 31 year old man writing in pain yesterday, after having nailed his own ear to a tree.
A Nottingham poet had to be rescued by the fire brigade after nailing his own ear to a tree. Stan ‘za the word’ Smith 31 revealed to The Druid’s Loom the source of inspiration that had prompted him to do it – “I was ambling freely through the forest one night when I heard the sound of wolves […]
A horrified Lincoln man has discovered a dead man`s chin
in his local phone box.
Ivor Dick, 53 told The Druid’s Loom – “It was the most shocking thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve been in some filthy phone boxes in my time but this particular phone box surpassed all others in the filth league – a league of filth in a league of its own filth. A filthy league that surpassed all filthy leagues of phone […]
A Birmingham Man has appeared in court on the charge of mugging a man
with his asshole.
Rob Sidebottom 36, applied this method of attack as a strategy to mitigate his violations in a hypothetical court case. He figured that a slapstick approach to street robbery would provide some amusement for the judge who may subsequently demonstrate some leniency upon his sentence. Not Amused The judge wasn’t amused however, but he did reduce the sentence […]
A London surgeon has been prosecuted for performing a sex change operation on a fairground ride. Dr. Trevor 'Butcher' Slop 43, began making a primary incision into his patient`s perineum the moment the ride started.
Our fairground correspondent was at the scene and was able to highlight the story in full detail.
A Liverpool man has divorced his wife for unreasonable behaviour - jogging with her head positioned lower than her ass. Sid Splat, 54, tells his sorry tale to the Druids's Loom.
I caught her red handed – jogging with her head positioned lower than her ass. An utterly unforgivable act – worse than adultery in my book! Humiliation I would rather have caught her doing that than jogging with her head positioned lower than her ass. It’s the humiliation – having to endure all the mocking remarks from the locals […]
Excited anti-royalists have braved the inclement weather and set up camp outside the Funeral Directors to the Royal Household, eagerly awaiting news on the imminent passing of Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh.