Every year hundreds of hedgehogs are run over while crossing the road. Can you spare just £5 a month to help us buy much needed bicycle pumps?
Better still, if you have ungrateful children who hardly ever visit you and who can’t even be bothered to send you a card at Christmas – why not cut them out of your will completely? Think how pissed off they will be when you leave everything to us! By donating just £5 a month to […]
Animal rights groups reacted with fury after home CCTV footage appeared to show a woman putting a wheelie bin inside a cat.
In the extraordinary clip posted on YouTube, a woman is seen stroking a wheelie bin. Thinking she is alone, she then shoves the bin inside a passing cat. According to the RSPCA the bin was in the cat for several hours. Fur Ball The dustbin’s shocked owner told Druids Loom – ‘I thought the cat was […]
Fresh turmoil hit the Oscars today after nominations for ‘Best Racist’ and ‘Best Supporting Racist’ were leaked to the press.
Critics have seized on the absence of non-fascists in the line-up, accusing the Academy of bias. Bias A spokesperson for the Academy told Druids Loom – ‘I know people are accusing us of bias, but the brutal truth is that non-racists just weren’t up to scratch this year.’ Best Scaremongering Top of the nominations list […]
Excited stockbrokers creamed their pants today as the Chancellor announced plans to sell-off all UK air and oxygen.
A beleaguered stock market rallied on the back of the news, with the FTSE 100 and Dow Jones closing up on this morning’s trading. An exact share price has not yet been set, but Vince Cable is determined it should be affordable to most billionaires. Pay-as-You-Breathe Parliament is expected to green-light the privatisation in the […]
Violence broke out at Buckingham Palace today as the Queen put former Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg in a headlock and repeatedly punched him in the face.
The pair began fighting after Mr Clegg praised the EU. The Queen is a well-known Eurosceptic and revolutionary Trotskyite. According to one eye witness the Queen threw a corgi at him, did a back flip, and followed it up with a Thai kick-boxing move. Rift Nick Clegg dismissed reports of a rift with the palace […]
A terrified television crew was forced to abandon filming today when the ghost of Derek Acorah caused supernatural mayhem.
During filming of an episode of ‘Para-Subnormal Witless’, a camera crew reported seeing a strange apparition with blonde highlights floating around the set like a strange orb. A terrified producer told Druids Loom – ‘It was horrible. It glowed with an unearthly bronze tan.’ Freeview Psychic experts believe the spectre could be the ghost of […]
The loveable, roly poly, village idiot, played by Boris Johnson, may make great TV viewing as he bumbles through an episode of 'Have I Got News for You'; but as a Foreign Secretary, he is utter shite and a national embarrassment.