Total amazement swept across the United Kingdom yesterday, when the Prime Minister, and self styled village idiot, did something right for once.
The usual blundering fool, surprised the nation when he miraculously didn’t fuck up.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said close aid, Martin Mumflut. “I have become so used to disaster following him everywhere he goes, that I was lost for words.“
Underpants on Head
The incident occurred at 7am yesterday morning, when the Prime Minister was getting dressed.
“Normally one of Boris’ butlers gets him dressed in the morning, but due to the Conservative Party conference there was some confusion over which room the PM was residing in.” Mr Mumflut continued. “As a result Boris was left to his own devices.“
“I half expected him to come down to breakfast with his shirt on backwards, underpants on his head, trousers draped over his shoulders and his tie hanging out of his fat arse,” he told us.
Witnesses stated that when Boris left the room, he even had his shoes on the correct feet, and, despite looking disheveled and rather unkempt, all his clothing was in the correct place.
The Druid’s Loom approached a rampant Brexiteer and asked them for their ill advised opinions on the matter.
“It just goes to show that he is the right man for the job,” Gerald Fucknut shouted at us, like a crazed mentalist. “He will send them all back and get us out of the EU, and sovereignty and blue passports and immigrants and other stuff I think.“
When asked about his first success as Prime Minister, Mr Johnson told the Druid’s Loom, in an exasperated tone, “Yes, no, ummm, floffle moffle errrr, leave on the 31st October, yes errr no. Errr, I think, yes, errr floffle.“