Boris Johnson Scared of his own Shadow
Serial question avoider, and utter embarrassment to the nation, Boris Johnson, has today climbed into his wardrobe and is refusing to come out, until his nasty, scary shadow goes away.
“Boris was scurrying to his car to avoid questions from some journalists when he spotted this forboding black lump following him.” explained Rupert Poshpubes, long term friend and minder. “He actually shat himself and started crying like a baby again. Just like he did when I said he had to go on the Andrew Neil show,” he added.
“Once we got home I had removed his soiled clothes. As I changed him I tried to explain it was his shadow and didn’t have any questions to ask.” Rupert continued.
During the exchange Boris was reported to have said, “Well, errrr, floffle, errr boffle, um woffle, yes errrr Brexit, yesd get Brexit Done, woffle, um errr.” After that he climbed into his Wardrobe and refused to come out – even for his luncheon, afternoon tea, high tea, dinner and supper.
Voters were up in arms over Boris’ cowardly antics, just a day before the General Election. “This is his fucking job” moaned Jenny Arsestubble, a voter from Gloucester. “He goes from town to town, has a few selfies and answers a few questions, albeit badly. After that he buggers off home on a private jet for a long hot bath to wash the plebeian filth off himself.“
This man, who is also, unfathomably our Prime Minister has already dodged questions from a climate change debate and Andrew Neil. He has ignored questions about a sick 4 year old boy and hid in a milk fridge to hide from scary Journalists. He also thinks he can lead us through Brexit and take the country forward for the next five years.
Meanwhile worried magical creatures in Narnia have taken this opportunity to seal off all entrances to their enchanted realm. “It’s bad enough having an White Witch, making it snow all the time,” said Mr Tumnus the Faun,”but adding that great buffoon running around throwing snowballs, would make it utterly intolerable.” he added.
The Druid’s Loom approached Mr Johnson’s shadow but it was unavailable for comment. A close friend of the shadow told us, “He has taken this opportunity to go on a well earned holiday. I mean – can you imagine following that fat lying twat around 24/7?“