Britain to Build a Large Cardigan Collider

The Hadron Collider, built deep beneath the Swiss Alps, was until recently the world’s largest particle accelerator. Today the British government has announced ambitious plans to build a rival facility. 

A Cardigan with High Energy Photons, Yesterday
A Cardigan with High Energy Photons, Yesterday
Image courtesy of Зеленый кабинет Under the CC BY-SA2.0 License

British scientists have undertaken a groundbreaking experiment that shows old ladies can detect nippy draughts and subtle changes in room temperature even when they are locked in an air tight room several miles underground.

Sealed in a Vacuum

Scientists were shocked to discover that, even when they are sealed in a vacuum and buried under several tons of lead, old ladies will insist that someone has left a window open somewhere.

 Marks and Spencer

When operational, high-energy photons will be fired at an old lady wearing a stylish 100% pure wool cardigans from Marks and Spencer.

It is thought she will be able to detect the so-called God Particle, or Higgs Boson, on the back of her neck or ankles. 

Sponsorship Deal

It is hoped the British Cardigan Collider will become operational in 2025 pending a sponsorship deal with Google and McDonalds.

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Edward Hotmue

I quite fancy the hottie in the picture. Do you have her address?

No Edward, we don’t have her address, but we do have one for a nice mental health hospital.

The Druid

Uncle Ernie

Higgs Boson?
Don’t you mean Higgs Bossom? arf-arf!