British scientists have undertaken a groundbreaking experiment that shows old ladies can detect nippy draughts and subtle changes in room temperature even when they are locked in an air tight room several miles underground.
Sealed in a Vacuum
Scientists were shocked to discover that, even when they are sealed in a vacuum and buried under several tons of lead, old ladies will insist that someone has left a window open somewhere.
Marks and Spencer
When operational, high-energy photons will be fired at an old lady wearing a stylish 100% pure wool cardigans from Marks and Spencer.
It is thought she will be able to detect the so-called God Particle, or Higgs Boson, on the back of her neck or ankles.
It is hoped the British Cardigan Collider will become operational in 2025 pending a sponsorship deal with Google and McDonalds.