As usual the British weather laughed in the face of the UK population this morning, as it turned out quite nice, after months of utter shit!
“I am basically an utter bastard,” The British weather told the Druid’s Loom, this morning. “It was hilarious sending in storm Ciara, Dennis and Jorge to wreak havoc across the country and bring misery to thousands of people. Now Coronavirus has hit and people can’t go out, I thought, I know – I’ll make The Sun come out.”
“I can’t bloody believe it,” explained Walter Tightsphincter, a cabbage farmer from Worcester. “A month ago I was balls deep in flood water. I would have happily had a lock down to escape the utter foul weather. To be fair, I would have gladly hibernated between January and March,” he added.
The Druid’s Loom asked The British weather what plans it has during the deepening coronavirus crisis. “Oh I have loads of great ideas,” he explained. ” I will gradually increase the temperature so staying indoors becomes absolutely unbearable. It will be perfect BBQ weather, but of course you won’t be able to get any BBQ stuff in the shops – LOL” he continued.
“Don’t fret though, the second all this shit is over, I will send another deluge of tropical storms across the Atlantic – because that’s the kind of fucker I am.“