Brits to Get Matching Blue Passports & Ration Books

Brexiteers were thrilled today when Downing Street announced that in the event of a hard Brexit,  Brits will be issued with blue ration books to match their fucking blue passports.

At Least They Are Blue
At Least They Are Blue – Passport Image Courtesy of Duncan Hull under the CC BY 2.0 License

Following their announcement that food is currently being stockpiled; in the event of a hard Brexit; the Tory “Government” stated that if there were to be a No Deal Brexit, everyone would be issued with BLUE ration books, to match their new blue passports.

Blue Fucking Passports

This is what is meant by taking back control,” blustered Maxwell Arselint, a sweaty gammon from Kent.  “Only in my dreams did I think that I would be able to go on holiday to Benidorm, clutching a worthless blue passport, only to find my entry to the country is rejected, due to incomplete paperwork.

Tapeworm

Now, I will be able to queue for hours at a butcher, for 150g of tapeworm infested pork and and bag of tripe, whilst proudly displaying my blue ration book,” he explained

That is the Brexit dream,” he said smirking, as if he didn’t really understand what he was saying.

Pompous Bell-end

Comedy politician and ultra pompous bell-end,  Jacob Rees-Mogg told the Druid’s Loom, “I say, rationing will capture the true spirit of the British people.

Rickets

What better way to show the world our sovereignty, by allowing young children to grow up in slums or workhouses,  suffering from rickets and other nutritional deficiencies,” he added.

Unfortunately, as an extremely wealthy  person, I will be exempt from this rationing and will be forced to eat, swan, veal, venison and drink only the finest wines,” he explained in his ludicrously posh voice.

Fucking Brexit Bus

Exasperated remain campaigner, Mike Bike, approached us and said, “I’ve heard that medical supplies will also be rationed, or be unavailable all together. I never saw that printed on the side of the fucking Brexit bus.

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