When joining his new financial management company at the beginning of the month, Gregg Pastie, was looking forward to, informal meetings, in open necked shirts, with lots of people smiling at iPads, whilst holding mugs of coffee.
The reality however, was a stuffy dark room, where a bloke struggles to advance one of 74 slides on an embarrassingly bad PowerPoint presentation. All this whilst sat next to a gobshite, with eye-watering body odour, and a disturbing rash on his neck.
“One of the things that attracted me to ManageMyCash, was the glossy brochure, showing attractive staff attending meetings in modern and pristine offices,” explained a miffed Mr Pastie.
“In reality, it is expected that we wear full business attire, and any form of technology is banned. Any breach of the STRICT dress code results in a disciplinary. The only computer in the room is an outdated laptop running Windows 95, attached to a projector so old that all the colours are bleeding together.“
“Whilst ‘blue sky thinking’ is often talked about, if you dare to express any thoughts or ideas, your are immediately silenced by the foul mouthed CEO.” he added miserably.
Jumped Up Little Twats
Mr Pastie was also annoyed that far from smiling at each other, the meetings are full of either jumped up little twats, trying to arse lick their way to promotion; or ‘senior staff’ who are complete fuckers with utter contempt for anyone they consider ‘beneath’ them.
ManageMyCash, representative, Catrin Humpmuffin told the Druid’s Loom. “Our corporate brochure is a complete work of fiction, designed to lure clients and future employees into our offices. Once they have signed our contract we take a great big steaming dump all over them.“
“It is our aim to make working life a complete misery for everyone working here. I am not sure why we want to do this, but I suppose it is in the archaic belief, that pissed off miserable people, somehow are more loyal than happy ones.” she added.
“Now get the fuck out of our office, before we call the police.“