Bolton café manager Jim Fry 62, has been prosecuted for serving
his customers yolkless eggs.
Customer Geoff Bacon told the Druids Loom – “I asked for bacon and egg and the manager told me he’d run out of bacon. So I told him that in light of this unforeseen omission to the meal – subsequently condensing the choice on offer, may I suggest a straightforward exchange? – in simple terms a proposal of negotiation. I asked him if he could supersede the relegated bacon slice for a newly promoted breakfast addition.”
“The manager asked me what that meant in plain English. I said ‘how about giving me a sausage instead of the bacon?’. He said ‘ I can’t do that – it’s breakfast
policy’. I said ‘you can’t expect me to pay the same amount for less food’. I said ‘ how about we remedy this overpriced dilemma by reducing the value of the redundant rasher from the overall charge? – thus compensating me for the expired porky piece that I have been so cruelly deprived of’.”
“He asked me what that meant in plain English. ‘Give me a discount’ I said. ‘I can’t do that it’s breakfast policy’ he said. Then he served me a miniscule egg that had no yolk. I said ‘ Sir, I’d like to express a euphemism – may I encourage you to initiate a demonstrative enforcement of the chicken laid sizzler into the darkened depths of your rear side anatomy?’.”
“The manager asked me what that meant in plain English. ‘Shove the egg up your arse!’ I yelled – ‘I cant do that – it’s breakfast policy’ he said.”
The Druid's Loom caused havoc yesterday by a mis-placed apostrophe in a headline for a popular article. Readers were quick to point out this error. The Druid's Loom is eternally sorry for this oversight.
News emanating from England’s training-camp in Saint Petersburg appears to confirm the rumour that team-manager, Gareth Southgate, has already asked his players which of them would like the time-honoured privilege of scuffing the penalty that will see England ignominiously crash out of the World Cup