Trapped Doctor Soldiers On

An Edinburgh doctor trapped herself inside her patient`s anus during a rigorous prostate examination.

Trapped Doctor Soldiers On

An Edinburgh doctor trapped herself inside her patient`s anus during a rigorous prostate examination.

“Sugary Foods Taste Nicer than Tears” – People Say

In a survey taken by The Druid's Loom, we found that people already know that sugary food is bad for them and that taxing it probably won't affect consumption.

“Sugary Foods Taste Nicer than Tears” – People Say

In a survey taken by The Druid’s Loom, we found that people already know that sugary food is bad for them and that taxing it probably won’t affect consumption.

“La La La La – Not Listening” – Says Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt today pretended he couldn't hear what the President of the Royal College of Physicians was saying.

“La La La La – Not Listening” – Says Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt today pretended he couldn’t hear what the President of the Royal College of Physicians was saying.

Meddling Old Women are Narcissists – Study Finds

Elderly women who can not keep their noses out of other people's business, are narcissistic a study finds.

Meddling Old Women are Narcissists – Study Finds

The study completed in about five minutes this afternoon went on to point out that 82 year old meddling biddies, really should think twice before perpetuating dangerous stereotypes about cruel and debilitating illnesses . Stereotypes that if not treated can end up being fatal. Complete Misunderstanding To call, for example, an anorexic an attention seeker, is pretty […]

Air to be Privatised – Markets React Favourably

Excited stockbrokers creamed their pants today as the Chancellor announced plans to sell-off all UK air and oxygen.

Air to be Privatised – Markets React Favourably

A beleaguered stock market rallied on the back of the news, with the FTSE 100 and Dow Jones closing up on this morning’s trading. An exact share price has not yet been set, but Vince Cable is determined it should be affordable to most billionaires. Pay-as-You-Breathe Parliament is expected to green-light the privatisation in the […]

Picking on the Weak and Vulnerable is Natural, say Government

In justification of their £30 a week cut in ESA payments, the Tories have explained that "is just nature" and is known as "Survival of the Fittest".

Picking on the Weak and Vulnerable is Natural, say Government

“If a lion was chasing a pack of gazelle across the Serengeti plains, the strong would get away and the weakest members of the group would be caught and eaten. The weakest would be the smallest, the injured, the youngest and the disabled.” ESA Payments These are the words from the Department for Work and Pensions […]

Penis Size Secret to Election Success

Recent revelations in the US presidential candidacy elections show that penis size is now an intrinsically important factor in election success.

Penis Size Secret to Election Success

World leaders have, over the weekend, been clamouring to show their hands to the public in order to prove how big their penises are. This comes after Donald Trump, turned a serious election candidate contest into a cock fest. It has since been shown that voters will always be thinking about a candidates penis, as opposed […]

Women To Be Paid For Having Periods

It's time for equality in the UK, and women should now be paid for having their periods.

Women To Be Paid For Having Periods

With the introduction of period holidays and equal pay across the UK, women are to be paid for having periods because it would be sexist to pay them less for taking a few days off every month. Period Practicalities It is not practical to expect women to work whilst wearing tampons. Gender Event

Daily Mail Shares Tumble after Possible Cancer Cure Found.

Shares in the popular middle market shit-rag, fell today, when a possible cure for cancer was announced by scientists.

Daily Mail Shares Tumble after Possible Cancer Cure Found.

Shareholders in the Daily Mail were stunned today, when their portfolios were left almost worthless, after the announcement that cancer could be cured by a relatively straightforward vaccination. Faux Science The ‘news’paper, that makes a considerable sums of money by propagating fear and hate amongst the middle classes, has published faux science stories for the past […]

Nottingham Poet Nails It

Police were shocked to discover a 31 year old man writing in pain yesterday, after having nailed his own ear to a tree.

Nottingham Poet Nails It

A Nottingham poet had to be rescued by the fire brigade after nailing his own ear to a tree. Stan ‘za the word’ Smith 31 revealed to The Druid’s Loom the source of inspiration that had prompted him to do it – “I was ambling freely through the forest one night when I heard the sound of wolves […]