Recent revelations in the US presidential candidacy elections show that penis size is now an intrinsically important factor in election success.
World leaders have, over the weekend, been clamouring to show their hands to the public in order to prove how big their penises are. This comes after Donald Trump, turned a serious election candidate contest into a cock fest. It has since been shown that voters will always be thinking about a candidates penis, as opposed […]
It's time for equality in the UK, and women should now be paid for having their periods.
With the introduction of period holidays and equal pay across the UK, women are to be paid for having periods because it would be sexist to pay them less for taking a few days off every month. Period Practicalities It is not practical to expect women to work whilst wearing tampons. Gender Event
Shares in the popular middle market shit-rag, fell today, when a possible cure for cancer was announced by scientists.
Shareholders in the Daily Mail were stunned today, when their portfolios were left almost worthless, after the announcement that cancer could be cured by a relatively straightforward vaccination. Faux Science The ‘news’paper, that makes a considerable sums of money by propagating fear and hate amongst the middle classes, has published faux science stories for the past […]
Police were shocked to discover a 31 year old man writing in pain yesterday, after having nailed his own ear to a tree.
A Nottingham poet had to be rescued by the fire brigade after nailing his own ear to a tree. Stan ‘za the word’ Smith 31 revealed to The Druid’s Loom the source of inspiration that had prompted him to do it – “I was ambling freely through the forest one night when I heard the sound of wolves […]
At his 92nd Birthday Party yesterday, Robert Mugabe revealed the secret to his apparent eternal youth - Being a bit of a bastard. Today he tells The Druid's Loom, the secrets of his success.
Hi there readers, Robert Mugabe here! It’s good to be able to talk to you today; the day after my amazing 92nd birthday. It wasn’t a cheap affair, cost around $800,000, but I had a really great time and it gave the me opportunity to get to work on some really top notch bastardry. Great Big Cake […]
Twitching Sphincter is a terrible medical condition that affects one in ten politicians worldwide. The main symptom is having a small mouth that resembles a twitching sphincter.
Druids Loom is determined to help raise awareness of this distressing condition because, until we find a cure, politicians will continue to talk through their arses. So please, spare a thought for people like Kim Jong Un and Hillary Clinton and give generously. Documentary Breaking news… As part of our Twitching Sphincter campaign we have […]
The media, Department of Health and Jeremy Hunt, have today reacted with fake surprise, that non-medical staff are not as good at giving medical advice as doctors and nurses with years of training.
Media outlets, such as the Daily Mail, have today reacted with a pathetic level of pseudo surprise, that the NHS111 help line; A call-centre that uses untrained medical staff to give life and death advice, is not as good as its (more expensive) predecessor, NHS Direct, that employed trained nurses. Finger Pointing In typical tabloid […]
A London surgeon has been prosecuted for performing a sex change operation on a fairground ride. Dr. Trevor 'Butcher' Slop 43, began making a primary incision into his patient`s perineum the moment the ride started.
Our fairground correspondent was at the scene and was able to highlight the story in full detail.
Amid strikes from the Junior Doctor, an over stretched NHS and complications with the NHS 111 helpline non-medically trained Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, offers his hints, and tips of how to deal with medical emergencies and procedures.
Hello there readers! It’s Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt here; looking to give you medical advice and top tips on how to stay healthy. Now it doesn’t take an idiot to realise that there are currently problems with our overstretched health service. In fact, I’ve made sure my department has fed the right wing press as many […]