Last night the BBC aired a one off charity special that was the latest output from their guilt trip department. James Corden, or someone similar, hosted proceedings.
But only after appearing on the event and begging the British public to hand over their hard-earned cash to the needy did James Corden realise he was a millionaire. The £1Million raised seemed impressive, but it now looks pathetic when held up against Corden’s weekly earnings.
“I forgot” he is reported to have said. “Had I remembered I was able to donate on behalf of everyone, I would have.” But donations were strictly only accepted up until midnight. “I’ve missed the deadline,” Corden said between bites of a gold dust covered donut.
Donna from Burnham-On-Sea was originally only going to donate £1, but after being exposed to the 8 hour long, incredibly flashy, near torturous guilt trip she donated £20. “It’s fine,” she said to us. “I’ll just have to skip a meal or two. But I’ll be fine.”
A popular actor who has probably played Doctor Who at one point joined in on the action with a special VT from one of the more impoverished areas.
He spoke to the public from a poor village that had only one water fountain, but desperately needed two. After tricking the public into thinking they were getting light hearted entertainment – to distract them from the agony of working class life – the actor, called Dave Smith or something sprung the VT out of nowhere, nestling it between two sketches that were very nearly funny.
In the VT he said, “Here at wherever I am, children have to walk hundreds of miles just to get a drop of water. A donation from you, on your £7 an hour salary and zero hour contract, could really make a difference and help us build a vital second water fountain.”
Dave Smith, like James Corden, had foolishly forgotten the extend of his own wealth, only realising he could have built several fountains with the money he gets paid for a photo shoot, when it was too late. Clocking his mistake, Dave Smith endeavoured to make a difference.
Gold Jet Ski
“I realise now, that I could have made quite a big difference.” he told some reporter somewhere. “Sadly I can’t donate any money myself because I’m still paying off my gold jet ski.” At first sounding like bad news, Dave Smith (or was it Tom Capaldi?) went on to add “But I’ve decided to contribute in a far more substantial way. Using my FAME instead of my MONEY.” Dave Capaldi (it might have been Christopher Baker…) decided to autograph something from the VT so he could sell it and donate all money raised to building a second water fountain.
The good news is, the item he chose to sign and sell went for enough money on eBay to purchase a second water fountain for the impoverished village. The bad news is, the item he chose to sign and sell was their first water fountain – bringing the village back to just the one.