The man, who once famously said – “If anyone says to you that ‘staff morale [in schools] is at an all-time low’ you know you are doing something right.” – Can not understand why so many teachers keep leaving the profession.
This ‘Brain Drain” as he calls it has seen many teachers leave for other jobs outside education, or take up higher paid jobs, in fancy international schools abroad.
Teachers are Shit
“I just don’t get it?” He told The Druid’s Loom, with an air of confusion in his voice. “Almost every week, I publish a new article, or speak out in an interview saying how shit teachers are and how they must work until they break! – I tell them that there is no such thing as stress and they are just pathetic and that they don’t deserve their holidays. My Ofsted team regularly visits schools and utterly destroys the lives of teachers and headteachers. Yet they still leave. It doesn’t make sense!”
Over 18,000 teachers left the UK last year to teach in schools in nice warm countries, with tax-free salaries and free accommodation.
Idiots or Liars
Despite only 17,000 teachers being trained last year a Department of Education spokesperson buried their head in the sand and told us, “Yes, its competitive, but there are loads of teachers out there. Yes, definitely. There are more teachers than ever. Any headteacher who says they can’t recruit someone is either an idiot or a liar!”
Sir Michael then went ahead to outline his proposals try to persuade teachers to stay working within UK Schools.
“I had this really brilliant idea whilst I was watching Game of Thrones. We make it illegal for teachers to leave the profession, like The Night’s Watch. Obviously we wont cut the heads off teachers who try to leave; just a limb or two!”
Michael Wilshaw stands down as the Chief Inspector for schools next December, and will be replaced with a real hardcore corporate bastard from America.