Chief Inspector for Schools Can’t Understand why Teachers are Leaving.

The Chief Inspector for schools, Sir Michael Wilshaw, today reacted with bewilderment as to why so many teachers were leaving British Schools, to work in better paid jobs in elite establishments abroad.

Ungrateful Lazy Teachers
I Just Don’t Get it! – Sir Michael Wilshaw

The man, who once famously said – “If anyone says to you that ‘staff morale [in schools] is at an all-time low’ you know you are doing something right.” – Can not understand why so many teachers keep leaving the profession.

Brain Drain

This ‘Brain Drain” as he calls it has seen many teachers leave for other jobs outside education, or take up higher paid jobs, in fancy international schools abroad.

Teachers are Shit

“I just don’t get it?” He told The Druid’s Loom, with an air of confusion in his voice. “Almost every week, I publish a new article, or speak out in an interview saying how shit teachers are and how they must work until they break! –  I tell them that there is no such thing as stress and they are just pathetic and that they don’t deserve their holidays. My Ofsted team regularly visits schools and utterly destroys the lives of teachers and headteachers. Yet they still leave. It doesn’t make sense!”

Over 18,000 teachers left the UK last year to teach in schools in nice warm countries, with tax-free salaries and free accommodation.

Idiots or Liars

Despite only 17,000 teachers being trained last year a Department of Education spokesperson buried their head in the sand and told us, “Yes, its competitive, but there are loads of teachers out there. Yes, definitely. There are more teachers than ever. Any headteacher who says they can’t recruit someone is either an idiot or a liar!”

Game of Thrones

Sir Michael then went ahead to outline his proposals try to persuade teachers to stay working within UK Schools.

“I had this really brilliant idea whilst I was watching Game of Thrones. We make it illegal for teachers to leave the profession, like The Night’s Watch. Obviously we wont cut the heads off teachers who try to leave; just a limb or two!”

Michael Wilshaw stands down as the Chief Inspector for schools next December, and will be replaced with a real hardcore corporate bastard from America.



Article Rating
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

newest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
You Know I Make sense, Islington
February 26, 2016 15:20

Haha – If its free housing teachers want – I have an idea – Build accommodation on the school grounds. These fat kids don’t use the fields anyway.
These “workhouses” for teachers can meen they can stay on the premises a bit longer, instead of leaving at 3:30.
It would also mean there are more houses available for the real workers!

Another teacher looking for a different job
February 26, 2016 18:42

Are you for real??? I am hoping you are being sarcastic. I am a primary school teacher and many of my colleagues work 60 -70 hour weeks.. I get to work at 7.30 and leave at 6pm. Lunchtimes are a quick sandwich on the go. I work most of Saturday as well. Now say it is only a 60 hour week (and that would be a GOOD week), over 38 weeks that makes 2280 hours a year (2660 on a 70 hr week). The average full time worker in “another” job may work 40 hours a week. With four weeks… Read more »

February 26, 2016 23:00

I think the phrase ‘workhouses’ suggests the post wasn’t ‘for real’.

Sadly I did once know a County Councilkor who thought building flats for teachers above classrooms was a good idea.

Sue Wad
February 27, 2016 08:38

Presumably teachers should be intelligent enough to realise it’s satire.

February 27, 2016 11:28
Reply to  Sue Wad

If they had chairs in the flats above the classrooms then they would be sat higher than all the pupils. (Satire, never mind.)

Archibald Ramsbottom
February 27, 2016 12:51
Reply to  Sue Wad

Yes, but when you’re attacked so often, it sometimes becomes difficult to pick out the satire from the real brain numbing shite people come out with! Yu tell people they are shit often enough and they will come to either believe it or become aggressive. (Sometimes both!)

February 27, 2016 12:43

Keyboard worrier at his best! You muppet. Id like to see you say that to a teacher face to face and not end up in hospital…

It\'s either laugh or cry!
February 27, 2016 14:23

Hahahaha! Do love a bit of dark humour! Keep smiling people!

Teacher Teachem
February 28, 2016 00:36

Teachers arrive between 6:30 and 8:00 and don’t leave til 18:00 – 20:00. You don’t seem to understand that only pupils leave at 15:30.

February 27, 2016 14:41

Did you know there is a memorial service for Sir Chris Woodhead in Westminster Abbey. Shan’t be there, but then I wasn’t invited.

February 27, 2016 18:40
Reply to  Tortie

Someone please stop this man from talking. He is a complete idiot and gets paid around £170,000 a year for his stupidity! He hasn’t even realised that Ofsted is one of the reasons why teachers are so stressed and overworked with pointless admin and data collecting. God help us all if Ofsted do employ this American guy that Nicky Morgan wants to give the job to – the teaching unions in the States hated him.