CIA chiefs spent the morning, child proofing certain areas of the White House today as President Trump was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States.
The unusual step came after President Trump toured the White House yesterday and began stroking the nuclear button menacingly whilst muttering, “China, Mexico, CNN, Meryl Streep,” under his breath.
“We have fitted the button with a twist and squeeze cap, like those you find on medicine bottles,” Clint Mungertop, the Chief of International Security told The Druid’s Loom.
“It’s perfect for the job because it can’t be opened by anyone with small hands. If President Trump wishes to initiate a nuclear attack, he will have to ask a grownup to open the cap first,” he remarked.
The CIA are worried that the new president will inadvertently trigger a full scale nuclear war, with the next person who annoys him on twitter, or Saturday Night Live.
“We understand Alec Baldwin is a little concerned,” Mr Mungertop added.
Of course, if President Trump really did want to start a nuclear, as Commander in Chief, all he has to do is phone up one of his Generals and tell him the nuclear codes.
“By law we are obliged to give President Trump the nuclear access codes,” explained Mr Mungertop. “However we don’t see this as an issue, as the codes have to be physically read out to the General in charge. Reading is a skill that Mr Trump has not yet fully mastered.”
“However, to be on the safe side, we have just given him the contents of a fortune cookie,” he told us.