China occupies small island known as ‘Britain’

By Druids Loom Reporter on February 25, 2016

Unconfirmed reports suggest China may have occupied a small island in the North Sea known as 'Britain'.

construction Workers — **Chinese Construction Workers Yesterday**

Satellite images released by the Pentagon show a Chinese construction site at Hinkley Point. A spokesman for the Chinese government denied it has territorial ambitions in Somerset and the North Sea and threatened to kill anyone who said otherwise.

Tensions

Tensions remain high in the region because France, which invaded the island in 1066, has rival ambitions to provide the island it’s energy. The international community is looking on anxiously as Russian and Chinese oligarchs compete to buy large parts of Britain.

Nice Cup of Tea

The Russian ambassador to Britain was unavailable for comment but did ask reporters and dissidents to pop round for a nice cup of tea.

china, HinkleyPoint, NuclearEnergy

Littlejohn Loses It

Daily Mail "columnist", Richard Littlejohn, completely lost it today, as he ranted on quite literally about shit.

Jeremy Hunt Praise Causes Projectile Vomiting Amongst NHS Staff

The whole of The NHS has been struck down with an emetic inducing virus caused by faint praise from the Health Secretary with the words 'hard working' and 'great job' proving to be particularly virulent. With no known antidote, the moronvirus appears to be impossible to eradicate.

Hypocrite To Become Economic Migrant

Walking clump of smegma, Nigel Farage, has decided that he is going to move to America, as it looks like Britain is going to take a battering after Brexit.

CIA is to Outlaw Bodyboarding

The US State Department has announced plans to stop the controversial practice of body- boarding. It follows widespread criticism from human rights groups who say forcing middle aged men with pot-bellies to humiliate themselves in front of younger, flaxen-haired surfers is cruel and inhuman.