Christian Evangelist Eaten By Dinosaur

The academic world was rocked today by news that a Creationist (a person who believes the world was made by God in six days) was attacked and eaten by a dinosaur.

A Dinosaur, yesterday.
A Dinosaur, yesterday.
wagnersteixeira / Pixabay – CC0

The attack took place in the Nevada desert during an archaeological dig led by the renowned Christian academic, Reverend Belt. Rev Belt, or ‘Randy’ as he is known to state police, was leading the dig in the hope of proving that all women are dirty and pop music is the voice of the devil.

Fossil Sinners

Until he was eaten by the Tyrannosaurus Rex, Randy was Professor of Creationism at Little Rock University.

He spent his entire academic life trying to prove that fossils are placed in the ground by sinners who hold the astonishing belief that the world is actually quite old. In his final university lecture he told his students:

Men’s Willies

‘Forget famine, war, and cruelty – it’s what men do with their willies that keeps God awake at night. The omnipotent creator who made the universe in all its infinite mystery and glory is totally obsessed with genitals. It’s his number one priority. And gun laws come a close second. Hallelujah!’

The Druid’s Loom will be publishing a full obituary of Randy Belt next week.


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