Comedy Buffoon Character Makes Crap Foreign Secretary

The loveable, roly poly, village idiot, played by Boris Johnson, may make great TV viewing as he bumbles through an episode of 'Have I Got News for You'; but as a Foreign Secretary, he is utter shite and a national embarrassment.

A Bumbling Moron - Not Fit for Office - Yesterday
A Bumbling Moron – Not Fit for Office – Yesterday
Image Courtesy of Ian Burt Under the CC BY 2.0 License

The skills required to make people laugh at your expense are not  transferable with those needed to represent Britain on the international stage, experts revealed yesterday.

It may be amusing to watch Boris John stumble over his lines, and talk nonsensical gibberish on a TV panel show, but that kind of behaviour at an international summit, just makes us all look like twats,” political expert, Clive Grundysmut told The Druid’s Loom.

I for one, love watching Boris ruffle his hair in that cute exasperated way, when he is being outwitted by an auto-cue.  The country needs a comedy political character we can laugh at when he falls over, or offends a group of minorities with casual racism – it is a moral boost,” he added.

United Airlines
However, sending him to speak for Britain, at an international level, is like asking the CEO of United Airlines to host a conference on customer relations.

Despite the G7 summit failing to mention any of the waffle Boris Johnson spouted at the summit, Prime Minister, Theresa May still fully supports him in his role.

Mrs May, firmly believes that Boris Johnson is the best person to be an ambassador for Britain and form trade deals with the rest of the world,” explained Cherise Soup, a Downing Street spokesperson. Lying through her teeth, she added, “Mr Johnson is shrewd negotiator, who is able to stand up for what is best for the country.

The Druid’s Loom approached the over privileged calamity for comment and he told us, “Whiffle shbluffle huffle, I say, Jolly good, fulffle, woofle, splendid old chap,” before getting on his bike and promptly falling off into a hedge.

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