Consigning Children to the Bin at 11, is Great, says Theresa May.

The Prime Minister today told eleven year old children, who have not reached developmental maturity, that if they don't pass the 11 plus, their lives will be in tatters.

"Stupid Kids - Fuck Off", explains Theresa May
“Stupid Kids – Fuck Off”, explains Theresa May.
Image courtesy of US Embassy London Under the CC BY2.0 License.

Under plans announced by Theresa May yesterday, all 11-year-old children will face crippling tests that will decide the outcome of their lives.

With all schools being given the opportunity to become Grammar schools, children who fail the 11 plus, will be shipped off to a Sports Direct warehouse.

Educational Maturity
Despite the fact that some children don’t reach educational maturity until they are about 14, the Government wishes to push ahead with these plans to ruin the lives of thousands of children.

Blighted by Stupid Kids
Why should posh clever kids have their lives blighted by stupid kids?” explained Department for Education nut-job, June Brokensoul. “Grammar Schools will help create a new generation of elite people, who will be able to pour scorn on children who failed the 11 plus for the rest of their lives.

With the rapid expansion of Grammars planned, we asked Ms Brokensoul if the league table system of measuring schools, is fair.

Left Breast
Because the Grammar schools are full of the clever kids they will do well in their exams and that will be reflected in the schools league table results.  The results from standard secondary schools will fall, because we are deliberately creating an unlevel playing field,” Ms Brokensoul  told us excitedly.

We can then use this as an excuse to have all the secondary schools taken over by private companies like Tesco, Virgin or some clueless University provider – and we won’t have to pay for them anymore – its brilliant,” she added whilst squeezing her left breast.

Buttocks
It is expected that the money saved from not educating lower ability students, will be spent on something unrelated to education. Something that will benefit the rich at the expense of the poor, like another fucking high speed rail line.

Many educational experts think that the plans are ‘fucking stupid‘, and will spell disaster to all but the top 20% of children in the education system.

We don’t listen to experts, we listen to accountants,” Ms Brokensoul said, smiling whilst fondling her own buttocks.

 

 

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