Council Make Pavements 2-Xtreme

Swindon council have put taxpayers money to good use in a bid to turn wheel chair users into adrenaline junkies.

The Swindon Pavement Assault Course - Yesterday
Swindon council advise hitting the jumps hard for big air.
Image Courtesy of Shaun Weldon, for The Druid’s Loom

 

Tax payers money is finally being put to good use in Swindon as the council make a start on their latest scheme to make pavements more fun.

Extreme Journey
Mini jump ramps, similar to those found on skate parks, are being installed along public pavements and pathways, this will give wheelchair and mobility scooter users a more extreme journey to the shops. Locals are praising the council for actually putting taxpayers money back into the community as opposed to pissing it up the wall at Christmas parties.

Wheelchair Dependent 
A council spokesperson said, “being wheelchair dependent or needing to use a mobility scooter doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, these jump ramps will get people out of the house and living life to the max. They’ll be bombing it down to the post office on a Monday morning wearing their knee pads and skid lids, pulling off some big air tricks and wheelies.

Of course, no extreme sports pavement modifications can be accessed by the public without being tried and tested first. The brainchild of the scheme, Toni Horks, tells us about the testing procedure.

Dentures
My Nan played Guinea Pig when the ramps were installed, she fell out of her chair a few times which was expected. During one epic fail she scraped her face across the curb and broke her dentures. She also nearly got hit by a milk float, she hit the jump and got some air but landed funny, bouncing out of her chair and into the road…she knew there would be risks.

If the scheme is a success the council will look into installing half-pipes and grind rails outside hospitals and care homes. This will also be paid for by tax payers and any change left over will go into the councils arse pocket.

Adrenaline Junkie
Able bodied citizens must be extra cautious of adrenaline junkie wheelchair users when walking. All jump ramps are clearly visible and will be signposted to warn of tripping hazards, when the council can be bothered. Any injuries sustained from tripping are the result of being a clumsy bastard and cannot be put up for a claim.

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