Culture Secretary – “I was Just Doing My Job”

Culture Secretary John Whittingdale told the Druid's Loom today that sampling different types of culture and entertainment, such as engaging in a relationship with a sex-worker, was just part of his job and he should be praised for 'going the extra mile'.

Sampling Exotic Culture
Sampling Exotic Culture
PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay

A good Secretary of State should immerse themselves into the role to ensure empathy with the people.

Sample Different Types of Culture
An Education Secretary should make regular visits to schools. A Health Secretary should spend time visiting hospitals. By that very premise, the Culture Secretary should sample the different types of culture this country has on offer. In this case, the seedy, underground culture of the sex-worker.

Inform on Policy
It is literally part of the job,” explained John Whittingdale. “If I were to neglect a particular form of British culture, how could I use it to inform on policy? Being caught nuts deep in a prostitute is an integral part of the British underworld,” he added.

Silencing the Media
In order to remain undetected when investigating these different ‘cultures’ Mr Whittingdale had the unenviable task of silencing the British media.

“If I am to do my job effectively I have to use my powers as Culture Secretary, to gag the press,” he spluttered nervously. “Errr, imagine if they got hold of the story whilst I was still ‘investigating’ these cultures. These sex workers would then errr, change their service to suit me, and , umm, errr, I wouldn’t get a representative view.

Gonorrhea
The Druid’s Loom learned today that Mr Whittingdale will be sampling the cultural delights of the STI clinic, when he gets tested for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea next Tuesday.

 

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