Culture Secretary Publishes Approved BBC Saturday Night Schedule

After the Culture Secretary, John Whittingdale, said the BBC should concentrate on more 'distinctive' programming, he published his own 'approved' Saturday Night schedule. The Druid's Loom was lucky enough to get a sneak preview!

The New BBC Ident
The New BBC Ident?
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Culture Secretary, John Whittingdale, who recently admitted having a relationship with a sex worker, criticised the BBC today saying it was ‘not fit for purpose.’

Whittingdale, who was really really ‘lucky’, the prostitute story was not picked up by the press for ages; also stated that the BBC should concentrate on providing more ‘distinctive’ programming.

But, what does ‘distinctive’ mean to an escort dating MP?

In an exclusive for the Druid’s Loom we are able to publish Mr Whittingdale’s  approved schedule below.

The BBC Saturday Night TV Schedule

16:00 – Dick and Dominatrix
Children’s entertainment show, Dick somehow gets tied up, with a ball gag stuck in his mouth, while Dominatrix, uses her trusty Cat ‘O Nine Tails, to try to remove it.

16:20 – Flog it
A game show, where contestants play a range of S&M themed games.

17:00 – Early Evening Conservative Propaganda
Presented by Laura Kessinger.

17:40 – Can’t Touch This
Zoe Ball and Ashley Banjo, use a range of ‘Edging’ techniques to see which contestants can last the longest.

18:40 – Celebrity Wank Off
Three celebrities return to see who can ‘beat their meat’ the quickest. Who will hold aloft, the coveted golden dildo?

19:30 – The National Lottery – Magic Balls
An entertainment game show with a distinctly testicular theme.

20:00 – Strictly Cum
Celebrities are paired up with their professional porn stars to perform a range of ever more complex sex positions.
Each act is under the scrutiny of judges: Ben Dover, Long Dong Silver, Nicci Sterling and Wilde Oscar.

21:30 – Pimps Den
Entrepreneurial  prostitutes pitch their ‘skills’ to the ‘Pimps’, to see if  they can secure protection and further business opportunities.

22:00 – Propaganda at Ten
Presented by Nick Robinson.

23:00 – The Hairy Bikers
Bikers, in leather, with whips, chains, and plenty of oil. 

 

 

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