Daily Mail Can’t Stop
The utter shit rag, the Daily Mail is still demonising Jo Swinson, Jeremy Corbyn, and even Jeremy Corbyn’s sons, basically because it can’t do anything else. It has spent so long being a vitriolic piece of excrement, that it no longer recognises actual news. The Daily Mail can’t stop.
“We have lost touch with what actual journalism is” admits Daily Mail ‘journalist’ Derick Diarrhoea. “All I do now is sit on twitter and look at memes slagging off Jeremy Corbyn. Then I just copy and paste them into an article. I can’t even be arsed to check if what I have found is correct.” he continued.
“Occasionally there will be an actress or something wearing something revealing, so I will make up some shit about that and post a few saucy pictures – next to a page admonishing some bloke for doing exactly the same thing” Mr Diarrhoea added.
Beard, Shoes and Teeth
In today’s Daily Mail no few than 80% of it’s pages were spent gloating over Boris Johnson’s win.
“I don’t know what has happened to my favourite read,” exclaimed Bernard Tantrum. “3 Years ago, I used to look forward to stories about what would cause me cancer, reasons why I should hate the millenials, and how brown people were trying to steal my pension. Now it’s just about Jeremy Corbyn’s beard, Diane Abbott’s shoes, and the gap between Jo Swinson’s teeth.“
“I think what we are trying to do, is to cause as a much personal hurt to these people as possible.” explained Geordie Greig, editor of the Daily Mail. “We know they haven’t done anything fundamentally wrong, but we can easily make stuff up to smear them – or just throw in a few personal insults,” he continued. “We do it because we are areseholes and it’s fun. I mean who doesn’t like a story mocking a person because they have an allotment?“
Now that the election is over the Daily Mail will be getting some of its lesser employees to denigrate fellow human beings.
“I can’t wait,” explained overweight bully Richard Littlejohn. “I have my beardy weardy jokes all stacked up and ready for years to come. It’s not like I am a stranger to driving people to their own suicide. Just do a search about me on google.“
We asked Mr Littlejohn why he feels it is important that he vilifies people who have done him no harm, in this very public fashion,.
“The answer is simple” he explained. “I’m an utter cunt.”