Daily Mail Doesn’t Like Top Gear

The Daily Mail told its readers yesterday that it didn’t like Top Gear, or Chris Evans. It then asked them to join in shared hatred against, the presenter, the show format and the BBC.

By using a selection of well-chosen tweets, the Daily Mail was able to paint a very negative picture of the motoring show with the main complaint being that it was too similar to the original.

Jeremy Clarkson
A spokesman for the Daily Mail, Giles Wankmuffin told the Druid’s Loom, “We used to like Chris Evans, he even wrote a column for us in the Mail on Sunday – but we like Jeremy Clarkson more.

Sexist and Racist
Clarkson has a cheeky brand off borderline sexist and racist humour that we love. His outrageous right-wing comments – such as calling for striking public sector workers to be shot – fit in nicely with our paper’s editorial stance,” Mr Wankmuffin added.

To highlight their displeasure at the sacking of Clarkson, the Daily Mail, went into ‘personal attack mode to’ destroy any chance Top Gear had of succeeding. However, many viewers – tired with Clarkson’s formulaic and repetitive ‘jokes’, were quite pleased with Evan’s fresh approach.

Sucking Cock
Kirk Waterboard, a Top Gear viewer, told us. “It made a change not having to watch the sycophantic James May and Richard Hammond sucking Jeremy’s cock at every opportunity. I never have been a huge fan of the show, and yes it was pretty similar to the previous format. But it’s a car show, how fucking different can it be?”

Stabilisers
Meanwhile the Daily Mail has outlined its plans to vilify the presenters in order to discredit the show further.

We are going to dig around the in the dirt for a bit and see what shit we can drag up.” Mr Wankmuffin explained.

Apparently it took years before Evan’s had the stabilisers taken off his bike as a child. Even if this isn’t true, we can work into a story against the presenter. I can see the headline now ‘Un-stabilised Evan’s Can’t Even Ride a Bike’ – perfect”, he concluded.

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