Daily Mail to Give Yahoo Cancer.

The Daily Mail is considering a bid to buy Yahoo and turn the internet into a turd pile of hate and bigotry. By combining the racist and homophobic rants of Richard Littlejohn, with the gaudy tabloid style of Yahoo, the resulting online megalith will quite literally be the stuff of nightmares.

Yahoo. A Cure for Cancer?
Yahoo couldn’t make it up!
Simon / Pixabay

It is expected that the horrific digital hybrid will be a right wing propaganda mouthpiece of gargantuan proportions.

Humiliate and Degrade
Claire Dunghamper, spokeswoman for the Daily Mail, told the Druid’s Loom, “This move is really exciting. There are so many female celebrities that have put on, or lost a bit too much weight, and just not the space on our current website to include them all. With this merger, we will be able to humiliate and degrade even more women on a daily basis.”

All Grown Up
It will also feature an enhanced HD ‘side-bar of shame’. A place where middle aged men, can leer at the latest “all grown up” starlet, and middle aged women can get moist, looking at Aidan Turner without his shirt on.

Sad Face Sub-Domain
Other plans for the online shit-rag include:

  • A dedicated page to list all causes / cures for cancer.
  • A brand new “digital portal of hate”, for Katie Hopkins to mock dead refugees.
  • An (SEO) Search Engine Optimised section to ensure whenever anyone searches for Jeremy Corbyn, they just arrive at a page bullying him about his beard.
  • A Sad Face sub-domain. An area of the site containing people who fought in a war of some kind, and now believe they are above the law. Basically people who have believe they have been wronged in some way and are photographed looking sad.
  • Upgraded Readers Comments. A place for angry racists and the mentally ill to rant in block capital letters.
  • A ‘House Priceometer’ on every page, that shows how house prices will be affected by each story.
  • Great Britain and America access only. All users from a non UK or US IP address will be ‘ethnically filtered’.

Donald Trump
Mrs Dunghamper concluded by telling us, “It will be like mixing Donald Trump and Nigel Farage and adding a sprinkling of the ‘Britain First’ Facebook group.”


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