Tappancs / Pixabay – CC0
The service took place at St Hacks (patron saint of liars) in Fleet Street. It was attended by a number of top celebrities, including Rebecca Brooks and Jack the Ripper, but Rolf Harris and Jimmy Saville were unable to attend.
Mr Burdock’s publishing empire was caught up in the so-called Door-Knocking scandal in which journalists and police officers were paid to knock on doors and run away. Mr Burdock has strenuously denied knowing anything about anything.
Back Door Action
As journalists and tabloid hacks gathered at the church they were disappointed to discover that Mr Burdock had gone in through the back door. Oo-er! A close friend of the couple told Druids Loom – ‘Mr Burdock is a busy man but he still managed to squeeze his nuptials into a very tight schedule. Ooh, no, Missus!’
xiaonaooo / Pixabay
Knobs and Knockers
Ms Ball, now Mrs Burdock, was taken up the isle by the Knobs and Knockers political correspondent. The happy couple are believed to be honeymooning somewhere in the Mediterranean on board a private yacht owned by Adolf Hitler.
Phwoarrrr
Druids Loom is currently bidding against Hello magazine for exclusive rights to the honeymoon snaps. Phwoarr! Now that’s what I call news!
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Anyone who enjoys reading about Knobs and Knockers should subscribe to the magazine today. It’s the number one publication for furniture enthusiasts.
I think it’s disgusting. I just can’t get the image of her young nubile body, writing in pleasure over his wrinkled and decaying torso. It’s borderline necrophilia.