Dirty Old Man Marries Supermodel

Austrian-born Richard Burdock (87), publisher of ‘Knobs and Knockers’ furniture magazine, tweeted today that he is "the luckiest dirty old man in world" after tying the knot with top supermodel Jenny Ball (18). 

Ewwwwwww
A Dirty Old Man, Yesterday.
Tappancs / Pixabay – CC0

The service took place at St Hacks (patron saint of liars) in Fleet Street. It was attended by a number of top celebrities, including Rebecca Brooks and Jack the Ripper, but Rolf Harris and Jimmy Saville were unable to attend.

Mr Burdock’s publishing empire was caught up in the so-called Door-Knocking scandal in which journalists and police officers were paid to knock on doors and run away. Mr Burdock has strenuously denied knowing anything about anything.

Back Door Action

As journalists and tabloid hacks gathered at the church they were disappointed to discover that Mr Burdock had gone in through the back door. Oo-er! A close friend of the couple told Druids Loom – ‘Mr Burdock is a busy man but he still managed to squeeze his nuptials into a very tight schedule. Ooh, no, Missus!’

A Super Model, The Day Before Yesterday
A Super Model, The Day Before Yesterday
xiaonaooo / Pixabay

Knobs and Knockers

Ms Ball, now Mrs Burdock, was taken up the isle by the Knobs and Knockers political correspondent. The happy couple are believed to be honeymooning somewhere in the Mediterranean on board a private yacht owned by Adolf Hitler.

Phwoarrrr

Druids Loom is currently bidding against Hello magazine for exclusive rights to the honeymoon snaps. Phwoarr! Now that’s what I call news!

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B Geldoff

Anyone who enjoys reading about Knobs and Knockers should subscribe to the magazine today. It’s the number one publication for furniture enthusiasts.

David Pervert

I think it’s disgusting. I just can’t get the image of her young nubile body, writing in pleasure over his wrinkled and decaying torso. It’s borderline necrophilia.