In order to secure yet another massive fucking pay rise despite the huge deficit, MP’s have blocked PIP payments to 160,000 disabled people.
“When finances are tight it would be wrong for MP’s to give themselves a salary rise without the means to pay for it. However disabled people get loads of money that they probably don’t need as much as we do.” explained Disabilities Minister, Penny Mordaunt.
“It’s very difficult, when you are used to having a lot of money like us, to cut back. The disabled would only purchase extravagances like luxury wheelchairs, stair lifts and specially adapted cars. I need the money for all sorts, such as huge meals, and gym subscriptions,” she continued, as she ate four enormous cream cakes.
Mrs Mordaunt who takes a gross salary of over £96k and has made expense claims of £193,329, told the Druid’s Loom, “I read that these disabled people want to have their independence.“
“Well, there is nothing more independent than getting off your arse and catching a bus to work. So our cuts are actually doing them a favour,” she added callously, before laughing so hard she farted a bit.
The changes to the PIP payments will save the country about £3.7bn and will mean that MP’s are free to make expense claims and increase their salaries for years to come.
Mrs Mordaunt, who once claimed 90p in expenses for a trip to the local swimming pool added, “Some people aren’t really that disabled anyway, they have that mental illness thing that probably isn’t real anyway. The Minister for Life Sciences, George Freeman, explained to me how he thinks this is all bollocks anyway.“