45th President of the United States, Donald Trump, reacted remarkably well yesterday, when he was presented with a forty two page document outlining how shit he is.
Closing his Eyes
The president looked at the document and flicked through the pages, closing his eyes occasionally and looking all serious.
After 15 minutes, ten of which he remained absolutely motionless, Mr Trump said. “This will make many jobs for America, many many jobs, good jobs, tremendous jobs, and make America safe again,” before asking one of his confused aides where to sign.
“The report was written by a group of officials who have become increasingly concerned about the president’s conduct in the White House,” explained White House staff member Bryony Gluggle. “We were all quite surprised about Mr Trump’s reaction, as he usually goes ape shit when someone slags him off,” she added.
The lack of reaction from Mr Trump has caused people to speculate that he doesn’t read anything longer than the length of a typical tweet.
“White House staff members have all started to hide bad news in lengthy documents with leather-bound folders. Mr Trump, looks at these, signs the bottom and then holds it up to a camera – even if there isn’t one there,” Miss Gluggle told the Druid’s Loom.
“It is not clear if Mr Trump just can’t be arsed to read these documents, or that he is functionally illiterate,“Miss Gluggle continued. “However once, he has ‘read’ them he usually pops off to the TV room to watch Spongebob Squarepants.“