The Government announced today that it has introduced the range of cuts to the education budget, because it is better for them if everyone is stupid.
Self-Serving Rich Bastards
“What’s really difficult for a Government, is if people are educated enough so they understand that our policies are total bollocks designed to benefit a bunch of self-serving rich bastards,” explained Downing Street spokeswoman Beatrice Bogglebum, as she dribbled from the corner of her mouth.
“By crushing the education system, gradually strangling funding, we can ensure a new generation of mindless individuals who will believe all the bullshit we throw at them,” she added, smiling inanely as one eye wandered around its socket.
Sinister and Dangerous
In terms of how this is perceived by the public, the Department of Education plans to work closely with media outlets to make sure that the teaching profession is viewed as sinister and dangerous.
“We are lucky that ‘newspapers’ such as the Daily Mail, can be relied upon to turn members of the public against educated professionals. Just look at what happened with the NHS. We reduced funding and it began to fail. The educated Junior Doctors, noticed this and continually warned us. We ignored it and they went on strike. Then the Daily Mail, and other right-wing shitrags, vilified them, so THEY were blamed by the public – it’s hilarious!” Mrs Bogglebum told us, just before she burped.
“And hey presto, the NHS is now ripe and ready for full privatisation – and that means more money for me and my mates! We plan to do exactly the same with the education system,” she added, licking her lips like a maniac.
The Government is now targeting a range of educated people (or liberal elite as media call them). These include, Teachers, Doctors, Scientists, Actors and anyone else considered an expert in their field.
Prime Minister, Theresa May, explained to the Druid’s Loom, the rationale behind this new policy.
“How dare these fuckers form logical arguments based on empirical data, obtained from peer review studies. We want mindless pricks who struggle to string a sentence together, and post dog shit through the letter boxes of foreign people. People who are stupid enough to vote for us!” she said screwing up her face in the way that she does.
“Our current cuts to the education system will guarantee a supply of morons for years to come,” Mrs May explained.