England Beaten by Pub Team

Following their defeat against Iceland in Euro 2016, England played a friendly match against a local pub team and lost.

The Dirty Duck - Pub Team - Sedgemoor
The Dirty Duck – Pub Team – Sedgemoor
Public Domain Image

After England’s dismal defeat to Iceland the team went to a local French bar to drown their sorrows. A small pub football team, also in France, but to watch the Euros, were also drinking in the same establishment.

Banter
After a bit of banter, the team challenged England to a friendly game in the car park. To their surprise the England team accepted.

I couldn’t believe it,” said Dirty Duck team captain, Rod Glump, who works as a removal man. “Here we were, playing England’s national team. We had been in the bar all day so we weren’t playing our best.  One of our team members also had an asthma attack, and had to sit out for a few minutes.

Lacklustre
The England team played in a lacklustre way, which gave the Dirty Duck the advantage.

“They were all over the place, and didn’t seem to be able to adapt to our tactics. Whenever we began to push forward, they seemed to have these childish hissy fits,” Mr Glump continued. “When Bulldozer Dan, steamed through to score, the team seemed shocked. They tried to make a come back, but they were permanently on the defensive.”

Taxi Driver
The game ended with a score of 2-0 to the Dirty Duck, after another stunning goal, this time from Acne Andy, a retired taxi driver.

It was the best moment of my life,” Andy told us, as he puffed away on his cigarette.

Massive Fucking Mansion
The Druid’s Loom asked Wayne Rooney for his comments about the match.

I don’t give a shit, I have a massive fucking mansion and half of these guys live in council houses,” he told us, dismissively.

 

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