All schools will be forced to become a mind numbing hell-hole by 2020. Schools will no longer be the hub of the community but instead be part of a ‘cluster’ or academy chain – where the CEO is simply a profit whore on a six figure salary.
Academy expert Jason Glottlestop told our reporter, “Much of the extra funding provided for an academy is usually spent on ‘re-branding’ the product, so it fits in with the corporate identity of the sponsor. ‘All Saints High School’ may become ‘SchoolsRUs West 43b ltd’ for example. This is usually accompanied by an unnecessary, and very expensive uniform change, that parents have to pay for.“
Mr Glottlestop went on to explain, “The remainder of the funding is spent on consultants, legal teams and meeting rooms, so many fucking meeting rooms.”
Marjorie Bumflick, a spokesperson from the Department of Education twitched a bit and told the Druid’s Loom, “This Government has always been about parental choice. We have always wanted parents to be able to choose the school that is right for their child. “
We pointed out that that was just mindless waffle was nothing to do with the current situation so Marjorie stuttered and added “Many parents were really against academies and didn’t want to choose them and fought to stop them. By forcing schools to become academies they no longer have to worry about this element of choice. We are the Government that makes it easier!“
Parents will soon be able to choose an array of depressing soulless ‘learning buildings’ that destroy individuality and rip the hearts out of their children.