As Jodie Whittaker was named as the first female Dr Who, the offices at the Daily Mail went into panic and meltdown.
Explosions were heard as the heads of several columnists physically erupted, at being unable to comprehend the news.
“I bet in the first episode she crashes the fucking Tardis,” balled, legendary foul mouth, and editor of the Daily Mail, Paul Dacre, “How is she supposed to find a parallel universe, if she can’t fucking parallel park,” he continued with steam literally bellowing from his ears.
Mr Dacre then lined up his “best” columnists and journalists to denigrate the decision, but not before scouring the internet for nude images of Miss Whittaker, and playfully displaying them on Mail Online.
As staff at the’ newspaper’ ranted and raged the pressure started to build to dangerous levels, but it wasn’t until Richard Littlejohn turned up with his article that it reached the point of no return.
“I don’t want some dopey bird saving the earth,” he screamed, visibly shaking with anger. “How is she supposed to use the sonic screwdriver hey? It’s Dr Who not Dr Whoovering.” he continued with an array of clichéd sexist remarks.
“What happens if she gets lost and starts to cry,” he continued, clutching his chest as his blood pressure rose, “Does she wind down the window and ask a Dalek directions – we will all going to hell in a hand cart. You couldn’t make it up!“
Spokesperson for the BBC, Heather Juffear told the Druid’s Loom, “Actually, we did make it up. Dr Who is a fictional alien character and we can do what the fuck we like with him, her, it.”
“I’m surprised the Daily Mail haven’t pointed out that Dr Who is, and always has been an illegal immigrant,” she added.
The explosion in the office occurred at 14.15pm today, and unfortunately nobody was hurt.