The committee for organising the annual church fete, in the Warwickshire village of Offchurch, were heavily criticised yesterday for failing to include wet weather contingency in their plans.
“It is tantamount to gross negligence,” raged villager Major Bob Bumachum, an unpleasant self-important gobshite. “It’s quite a simple plan to implement. Just place the message ‘If wet, in village hall’, on all the flyers and other promotional material.“
Punch and Judy
Rev. Christopher Digwater, the chairman of the committee told the Druid’s Loom, “Organising the annual church fete is a huge task. We have to ensure the booking of a variety of events, such as the “Punch and Judy Show”, country dancing by the local children and a charity football match for the dads.“
“We also have to make sure a good balance of stalls, ranging from “Guess the number of sweets in a jar”, homemade produce and obtain the correct licensing for the Pimms Tent.“
By the time the committee realised their mistake the village hall had already been booked by a Zumba class and it was too late to make any changes.
“Forgetting the wet weather contingency was an unfortunate oversight and we have recruited a ‘wet weather co-ordinator’ to see that it never happens again,” Rev. Digwater continued.
As it happens there was only a brief spell of drizzle and the 34 people who attended didn’t really notice.
“A few tombola tickets did get a bit damp, and the bouncy castle had to be wiped down with a tea towel, which was regrettable, but it failed to ‘dampen’ the proceedings – LOL! ,” Rev. Digwater added.
Major Bumachum was not satisfied by Rev. Digwater’s cavalier approach to the fete and ranted for a further fifteen minutes blaming everyone from the socialists, to “the gays”.
“It is a disgrace that our village should be held to ransom by a foreign sounding Zumba class. How dare they come over here and practise their unique form of fitness dancing. I’m sure this is probably something to do with the European Union. This is one reason I will be voting to leave the EU on June 23rd,” he shouted, losing the plot completely.
The Offchurch village fete failed to make a profit from the event. However the Zumba class completed a sponsored dance off and raised nearly £2300 for a cancer charity.