GCSE results this year are the first to include the new grading system for English and Maths. This replaces the old ABC scale with a 1-9 system that does not equate.
“This year we have started to replace the grade system, to one that makes it more difficult for students, parents and employers to understand,” explained spokesperson for the Department of Education, Sally Sillysocks.
The new grading system also includes a range of measures to hold teachers and schools more accountable for the performance of the students.
Whinging Bloody Teachers
“We are proud to be implementing the system that focuses on the accountability of the school rather the needs of the student and their education,” Mrs Sillysocks continued.
“The Department of Education is sick and tired of these whinging bloody teachers, who suck money from the tax payer. These new measures give us brand new shiny stick to beat them with,” she added, smirking to herself.
Not content with the changes this year the government plans to further complicate matters.
“In the future, the way to work out your grade will be to take the numerical number given, divide by 2.752, and then multiply it by the square root of the original exam score,” Mrs Sillysocks told the Druid’s Loom.
“This will ensure a clear and transparent system and will give us even more fake statistics to shove up teacher’s arses.”