Go on Holiday in Lake District, Says PM from Lanzarote

David Cameron told the British public that they should spend their Easter holidays in the Lake District to help the area recover from the recent floods. The announcement was made from his luxury villa in Lanzarote.

Let Them Get Wet
Let Them Get Wet
Image Courtesy of Wikimedia Under the CC BY-SA2.0 License

Just a few months ago the North of England was affected by devastating floods and David Cameron pleaded with members of the public to consider the Lake District as a destination for their Easter holidays.

People who booked a stay in the flood hit area are a little annoyed that Mr Cameron’s chosen destination for his family break was a luxury villa, in sunny Lanzarote.

Sunk into the Mud
Speaking, from the Lake District, whilst sheltering under a shop canopy, disgruntled holiday maker Simon Turnip told the Druid’s Loom, “I booked a break in the Lake District after Mr Cameron’s plea. It’s done nothing but rain, and it cost me £7 to park in a field – where my car remains because it has sunk into the mud.

Moon-faced Little Twat
My accommodation is a converted cow-shed or something and cost me nearly £1000 for a week because it’s the school holidays. Now I have just found out that the moon-faced little twat has gone on a luxury weekend abroad – the bastard!

Fiddling While Rome Burns
Mr Cameron has also been criticised for ‘fiddle while Rome burns” as he fled abroad so soon after  the recent atrocities in Brussels.

Mr Cameron told the Druid’s Loom, from the 5 star resort where he is staying, “Why the hell would I choose to go to the Lake District in the wind and driving rain with all those plebs? I am a privately wealthy individual? It’s sunny and warm here – I DESERVE luxury. I’m not fucking stupid!

Kicking Off
Mr Cameron paused for a moment whilst he sipped a really expensive cocktail. He then continued, “It’s all kicking off with ISIS and shit, and really don’t want to be caught up in any scary stuff in London. Also, everyone in my cabinet is falling out and disagreeing, I can’t be arsed with all that. I’m rich and important – so it’s better off if I am out of it. I need a bit of time to think, and drink and eat and do all that cool stuff posh people do.

When we asked if he has a message for all those people shivering in the Lake District this week he just laughed, turned and walked away. He then whispered something to a security guard and we were forcibly removed from the building and had our phones confiscated.

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