In an exclusive interview with The Druid’s Loom, God explained his feelings behind the whole National trust / Cadbury egg scandal.
In this candid exchange he postulated whether humanity should spend its time worrying about bigger things, like gross injustice, rampant poverty, corruption and greed.
“The National Trust and Cadbury are two wonderful institutions,” the Almighty explained. “I for one, love a good look round a National Trust property. Being omnipresent has its advantages, because it means I can go round at after hours and avoid the queues,“he said, smiling to himself.
“Cadbury’s Chocolate is great too, I really enjoy a Curly Wurly, and although I am not a huge fan of Creme Eggs, hunting for one is great fun. It’s a wholesome activity that children love, and both the National Trust and Cadbury, should be applauded for organising this annual event,” the deity added.
The Lord, then explained his feelings behind the removal of the word Easter from the phrase “Egg Hunt”.
“I’ve looked at the poster and the word Easter is clearly written on there. Even if the word Easter had been removed, which is hadn’t, I really couldn’t care less. As long as the National Trust, isn’t removing the financial lifeline from dying cancer patients, or pushing children into poverty, I don’t give a shit.” he told us angrily.
The celestial being then told The Druid’s Loom some of the things that have been pissing him off lately.
“If Mrs May really doesn’t want to get on my tits, she can start by telling some of her ‘Senior Tories” to stop trying to declare war on neighbouring countries. She can look at the effects of her social policies on vulnerable people. Finally she can stop trying to negotiate trade deals with countries that cut people’s heads off.“
“Only then can the hypocritical cow start preaching ‘Christian values’,” he told us, whilst getting visibly annoyed.
“The really funny thing is, is the word ‘Easter’ is derived from the Saxon goddess ‘Eostra”, and the whole things was originally a pagan fertility festival with the egg being a symbol of this. Tell that to the Daily Mail and watch them explode!” he concluded, chuckling to himself.