Teacher shortages across England and Wales have been reduced by a factor of two, as both Michael Gove and Nicky Morgan have decided to enter the profession.
Disregard for Humanity
The news follows their sacking from Government Office, due to gross and sustained incompetence, alienating teachers, and political back stabbing.
Mr Gove, who hopes to become a History teacher, told the Druid’s Loom, “It’s going to be great. I think I will make a great teacher. My patronising tone, slightly nerdy and intellectual appearance and complete disregard for humanity is bound to be a hit in the classroom.“
“I’m really looking forward to my £65,000 a year salary, £10,000 training bursary and finishing work at 3pm,” he added.
Piece of Piss
Nicky Morgan is looking to become a primary school teacher.
“I’m going into it ‘cos it will be really useful to have the same summer holidays as my children. Childcare is such a big issue these days,” she explained. “I imagine Primary School teaching is a piece of piss. It’s just PE, painting and playing with plasticine isn’t it?” she said, smiling.
The pair have loads of useful advice that they have learned from being Education Secretaries and are looking forward to sharing them with their new colleagues.
“I am sure that other teachers in the staff room will be really pleased to hear my advice, on how to be effective in the classroom, raise standards and improve progress,” Mr Gove predicted. “Any teacher who doesn’t listen to my new ideas, based on my own delusions of self importance is an ‘Enemy of Promise’.“
The Druid’s Loom asked top headteacher Brian Trundlewheel if he would consider employing either of these two ex-government ministers.
“I’d rather staple my own testicles to the ‘Star of the Week’ board during an Ofsted inspection,” he snapped.