The British Government announced today that it was worried that it is running out of people to destroy. Its apparent policy of destroying the lives of groups of fellow human beings has proved so successful a “Far Far Right Think-Tank” has been formed to decide who to target next.
“Obviously we hit the poor, and those on benefits first – that was easy as our core voters don’t have much sympathy for them,” explained Minister for Misery, Rupert Vulvamouth-Testie. “If a cancer patient dies in poverty, because they have their benefits removed, the worst that happens is someone posts a picture of a sad relative on Facebook.“
“Our next target was public services. Teachers and schools were chosen initially as this has the advantage of damaging children too. Plus everyone hates those fucking teachers! It worked a treat with 25% of teachers wanting to leave the profession in the next 6 months and children’s mental health now at an all time low,” he added smirking to himself.
It hasn’t all been easy though as Mr Vulvamouth-Testie told us.
“Now the Doctors and the NHS, that’s been more tricky – there was more public support for them than we anticipated. Luckily we got some real arseholes on our side like Katie Hopkins, Richard Littlejohn and Kelvin Mackenzie – slowly but surely we are breaking the doctors too. In 5 years time, the NHS won’t exist – lol!“
Boosted by the rise of UKIP and casual racism the effect of demoralizing those who are a different colour has also been successful.
“The rise in hate crime against people from different cultures is a sure sign our policy is working,” Mr Vulvamouth-Testie cheerfully explained. “Every time someone posts a dog turd through a Muslim’s letter box, I smile a bit inside,” he added.
Businesses were next in line and have been chosen as the scapegoat for the failures of Brexit.
“We have Liam Fox to thank for that,” The Minister for Misery gleefully told us. “Who could have imagined someone could destroy the prospects of British business and piss of hard working entrepreneurs in one simple sentence – ‘fat and lazy’ – Brilliant.“
However now comes the challenge of finding new groups to humiliate and demoralise.
Anal Sex Tax
“I’m thinking those little gay chaps have had it easy for a while, what with bender marriages and stuff. Perhaps we should introduce an anal sex tax or something – that will annoy those dirty little buggers,” he said chuckling at his own offensive remark.
The Government is also thought to have its sights set on War Veterans, Shop Keepers, Volunteers in Charity Shops, the Welsh and Swimming Pool Attendants.
When we asked Mr Vulvamouth-Testie if he thought this may affect their chances of getting re-elected.
“With the Daily Mail, The Express and the Sun brainwashing they very groups we enjoy hurting, the Conservative Party is guaranteed to govern for many years to come,” he chortled, before rushing off to the new bar in the House of Commons and drinking lots of expensive wine at the taxpayers expense.