Hollywood Film Producer Arrested in Red Light District

A Hollywood film producer was arrested in a red light district of London yesterday.

A Red Light District, Yesterday
A Red Light District, Yesterday
geralt / Pixabay

Ricky Sazvafraz 56, told The Druids Loom – “I was sat in my car talking to a lovely lady and suddenly a policeman tapped on the car window. I rolled the window down and he asked me what I was doing with my trousers around my ankles – and why did I have a rubber instrument embedded into my flesh cave.

Dentures
I told him I was a Hollywood Movie producer searching the streets for a singer to audition for the role of Julie Andrews in a re-make of ‘The Sound Of Music’. The officer said – ‘she can’t play Julie Andrews – she’s wearing dentures’. I told him “officer, I’m not prepared to reject this lady’s singing talent – just because when she sings ‘do a deer – a female deer’ her dentures fly out and hit a child in the eye – causing permanent blindness – I will not discriminate the dentured”.
Overweight
The officer said – “she can’t play Julie Andrews – she’s vastly overweight. How did she even manage to get into your car?, did you have to stick your foot in her ass and push?”. I told him – “officer, please don’t be so crass. I will not dismiss this lady’s screen appeal – based on her physical imperfections, even if that does mean she’s so heavy we have to drag her by a tractor and rope through cow shit as she screams hysterically – just to get her to the top of the hill so she can sing – Climb Every Mountain”.
Tattoo
The officer then said “she can’t play Julie Andrews – she’s got a tattoo of a sandwich on her neck”. I snapped – “officer, you really are a superficial individual aren’t you?, and if I may say so – prejudice. Have you no imagination for the arts? do you mean to tell me there is no market out there for a Julie Andrews with a cheese, ham, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and cucumber sandwich tattoo on her neck?”.
Sixty Nine
“She can’t play Julie Andrews – she’s about sixty nine years old” said the officer. I pointed out that many a good tune could be played by an old fiddle – and that includes singing. The officer said – “let’s here this audition then”, so I asked the lady – “The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music please – in your own time”. The lady told me she couldn’t sing so I screamed – “you can’t sing? you can’t sing?, right get out of my car you toothless, tattooed, old lump!”

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