How Did Nigel Farage Become ‘A Thing’?

Briton's have been left scratching their heads today when they suddenly wondered how, Nigel Farage became 'a thing', with an opinion worth listening to.

'How have we allowed this 'man' to speak for us?' wonder rational British people.
‘How have we allowed this ‘man’ to speak for us?’ wonder rational British people.
Image Modified Courtesy of Diliff Under the CC BY-SA 3.0 License

Many hoped after UKIP’s dismal performance in the 2015 general election, Nigel Farage would slither back to the swamp from where he once emerged.

Mental Hospital
However the EU Referendum gave this abhorrent xenophobe a brand new platform, from which to spew his bile. In recent days, his despicable “Breaking Point” poster has left the British people wondering, ‘Why the fuck, is this guy allowed to speak outside the confines of a mental hospital?”

As the EU Referendum gathered pace, Farage seized his chance for power once more, joining the ranks of other political nut jobs such Michael Gove and Boris Johnson.

Have I Got News for You
I quite liked Nigel Farage when he appeared on Have I Got News for You a few times,” Glenda Mothdunk, a nurse from Brighton, told the Druid’s Loom. “He was quite good at taking a joke, when the other contestants took the piss out of him,” she added. “However, now he comes across as a beer swilling, chain-smoking twat, with deeply troubling views from a time that, thankfully, Britain has moved on from.

Fuck You - UKIP
Fuck You – UKIP

Seedy, Creepy Uncle
Jack Jollybuttock from Southam added this thoughtful insight, “I have a seedy, creepy uncle who is a bit like Farage. He always turns up at family events even if he’s not invited. Then he has too many drinks and starts letching over his teenage nieces. It usually ends with the host of the party apologising for his behaviour, as he takes a piss in their garden.”

Whenever Farage speaks, I always feel the need to go round and apologise to my Czech neighbours, on behalf of the British people,” he concluded.

Dark Times
The Druid’s Loom believes that Nigel Farage’s views come from a dark time in British history. A less tolerant time, a time when the TV sitcom ‘Love Thy Neighbour’, was seen as funny and when casual racism and sexism were commonplace. We also believe Farage is a slimy little turd who is only out for himself.

Britain has moved on. It’s time that you do too, Mr Farage.


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