“I Want my Life Back”, says Selfish Arsehole

Selfish arsehole, Nigel Farage, decided yesterday he couldn't really be arsed with all this Brexit nonsense as being an intolerant little shite is too much hard work. 

A Shit Bucket - Yesterday
A Shit Bucket – Yesterday
Image Modified Courtesy of Diliff Under the CC BY-SA 3.0 License

Nigel Farage, resigned as Leader from UKIP yesterday, after being the catalyst for spreading racial disharmony across the country.

After ensuring foreign people living in the UK are accompanied by feelings of impending doom; Mr Farage selfishly wants his obnoxious fucking life back.

Cockwomble
Nigel has worked very hard turning different groups of human beings against each other,” UKIP spokesman, Clive Gunt explained. “Even for a soulless cockwomble like Farage, that kind of work takes it’s toll.”

Meanwhile, the British people will suffer further austerity and increased far-right uprisings,” he added. “Mr Farage has expressed his wish for his life back. A fantasy, Walter Mitty, kind of life where he thinks he is actually important. He intends to spend the next two years completing his term as MEP, where he will receive £80k a year from the EU, for doing bugger all.

Tragically Survived
Mr Farage, who tragically survived a plane crash a few years ago, also expressed his desire to spend more time with his family. However, his family are not so enthusiastic about this proposal.

Big Fucking Mouth
You know that feeling you get when you see Nigel appear on the TV – the one where you want to smash his big fucking mouth in,” said an anonymous Farage family spokeswoman. “Well imagine that every day. At least the British public have been able to switch off the TV.

Smoking a Fag
Whilst he has been leader of UKIP, we have hardly seen him, its been brilliant. He is always down the pub having a photo taken of him smoking a fag, whilst having a pint. Now he will be mooching around the house, ranting incessantly about, some bullshit he’s read in The Daily Mail.”

Horny
“But worse still – he might start to get all horny or something. At least this British public didn’t have to sleep with him,” she added, desperately.

 

 

 

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