Illiterate People are Politically Useful, says Libraries Minister

"The closure of libraries is not all doom and gloom, as illiterate people wont be able to read about our ludicrous policies." explains libraries minister Ed Vaizey "

Literate People are a Pain in the Arse
Literate People are a Pain in the Arse
LubosHouska / Pixabay

Ed Vaizey, the Minister for Libraries – and an MP who claimed £74,000 of tax-payers money on expenses – told the Druid’s Loom today, that the closure of libraries is not all “Doom and Gloom”.

Useful Political Tools
“Stupid, poor and illiterate people are actually really useful political tools”, he muttered between pursed lips. “They misunderstand policy, don’t read the fine details, and they are easy to rouse into a rabble – plus we can pay them less and cut their benefits and they don’t really notice.”

He went on to explain how sometimes a well education population can be a real nuisance for a Government.

Un-educated Underclass
“Well-read and well-educated people can be a right pain in the arse,” he snarled. “They go on stuff like Facebook and Twitter and partake in rational and logical arguments against our policies. This Government is committed to creating a vast un-educated underclass through our destructive educational and social reforms.”

Terminally Stupid
The number of libraries in the UK has fallen over the past five years and opening times for those remaining have been reduced due to huge staff cuts.

“We did try to get volunteers to do the sacked librarians jobs.” Mr Vaizey explained “However it seems even the terminally stupid wont work for nothing.”

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UKnow Itmakessense
March 30, 2016 12:02

Libraries are shit. If you can’t afford books – then don’t read !! Simples!!!

March 30, 2016 14:42

Exactly, they’re just for scroungers who can’t be arsed to earn money to buy their own books, and who want to deny the authors their royalties