The British public have asked, for the sake of public decency, if Katie Hopkins could refrain from carrying out her threat to run naked through the streets of London, with a pork product inserted into her anus.
Sausage Ravaged Arse
“It really is okay, Katie,” explained Louise Fastwoober, a concerned member of the public “I know you vociferously announced this threat all over social media and you think you will lose face if you don’t carry it, but it’s fine – honestly.
“I have small children,” she continued, “and the thought of your sausage ravaged arse being plastered all over the news is deeply, deeply worrying.“
It’s not only the ‘man on the street’ who is worried about yet another Katie Hopkins publicity student.
Shopkeeper Brent Quintiepoops who owns a small electrical store on Regent Street explained, “It has been a tough few years for us financially and we are only just bouncing back after the economic crisis and threats of global terrorism. I am begging Katie to reconsider her actions as it will almost certainly drive customers away from the area for the forseeable future.”
We approached members of the media and asked them how they would approach the coverage of the event. Grundy Semenslime, content editor for The Sun told us, “It’s a tough call; I mean we publish any old shit, but I am not sure even we can print photographs of Miss Hopkins’ raddled old ring-piece, and saggy body, running through our nations capital. It’s disrespectful to…. well…. the entirety of humanity. This is one time we would actually advocate the wearing of a Burka.“