Jeremy Hunt showed a complete lack of understanding of technology and teenagers today, when he suggested that technology companies must ban under 18’s from sexting.
Willy or Boobs
Speaking to the Druid’s Loom, Mr Hunt told us. “I saw it in this film once. You can get a computer to recognise what an object is, such as a rude picture and prevent it being sent. So, if a teenager takes a picture of their willy, or boobs or something, the computer will know!“
“Technology can do great things, and I am sure if they put their mind to it, these techie boffins can implement this tomorrow” he added with stupefying naivety.
We approached head of AI research at Manchester University, Professor Lupin Frostystick and asked when this technology will become available.
“This isn’t fucking Star Trek, or one of those shit Mission Impossible films, that pays scant disregard to our current technical capability. Our computers can basically recognise circles and squares, not advanced and variable shapes such as human genitalia.“
“Even if we could do that, who would we get the computer to figure out if the cock in question was under eighteen or not? What a fucking idiot!” he added.
Trained to Kill
Seventeen year old, Sandy Lumpwig also laughed at the moronic comments made by the Health Secretary. “My boyfriend, who is also 17 is the army currently being trained on how to kill a fellow human. If I want to send him a picture of my tits via Snapchat, I will.“
“Even if Mr Hunt manages to get technology companies to implement this mythical technology – is he really that stupid to think we can’t get round it? You don’t need social networking to sext – what a retard. I will just use bluetooth, email, Skype – or save pictures of my fanny to a memory stick and post them to him.“
“Failing that, I’ll just drive round to his barracks and suck his cock,” she added prophetically.